Carrying the Dream…to Start a Family - One Woman’s Mission To Help Make That Happen
For most women (and men), they grow up with the idea that some day they will become an adult, get married and start a family, but these days we know that is not always the case. In fact, according to research, their are more single people now than ever before and the number of young women who say they do not want children has risen to upwards of 56%, depending on the study. And that number is continuing to rise year after year.
Still even with all the research pointing in the direction of more and more single, childless households, the fact still remains their are millions of people…men, women, straight, gay….all seeking to be a parent…and for one reason or another they cannot do it the old-fashioned way. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about 10% of women between the ages of 15 and 44 are unable to get pregnant after a year of trying, or six months if they are 35 or older. And that is not counting the men or all the other factors involved.
There are options for those seeking to have a child, but cannot do conceive the usual way. Adoption is one and is a fantastic choice to give a child in need a loving home and family. Then there is surrogacy. Both, can be a difficult process to navigate if you don’t know where to start. However, one women turning her love of being pregnant and her empathy for others’ journey to become a parent led her to not only become a surrogate herself, but open, Carrying Dreams, a surrogacy agency that not only supports surrogates, but egg donors, and intended parents, on their journeys to build families.
Emily Westerfield is an extraordinary woman and is is not only a Mother herself, but is also a 5X surrogate. After the birth of her own children, Emily wanted to find a way to help others on their parenting journeys, and decided to become a gestational surrogate.
Emily knows firsthand the struggles a woman can endure when trying to start a family, as she herself did experience miscarriage before having 3 successful births of her own prior to becoming a surrogate, so she is a wonderful shoulder for those she helps and a true confidante and partner to them as well.
Emily decided to expand her circle of help by opening up a surrogacy agency called Carrying Dreams Inc. – Where Dreams Meet Possibilities. As a surrogacy expert, passionate surrogacy advocate, and a five-time gestational carrier and one of the Co-Founders and Gestational Carrier program Director, Emily has helped hundreds of intended parents and surrogates throughout their journeys.
We had the opportunity to sit down with Emily and have an intimate conversation about the passion and empathy that drives her mission and how want-to-be parents can turn their dream of a child into reality.
Give us a brief overview of your story and background.
I am a 37-year-old wife and mother of 3 living in a small town in Ohio. I am a nurturer by nature and have always been in an industry of helping others. From working in an ER and patient care, assisting individuals with disabilities entering the workforce, to today in my 10th year of the surrogacy industry, I pride myself in playing a role to help others grow and achieve their goals (while simultaneously achieving my own). My love for being pregnant combined with my empathy for individuals and couples striving to build their families, led me to consider and embark on becoming a gestational carrier to bring others' dreams to a reality. I am proud to say I have brought 7 babies to the arms of their parents thus far and it's been one of the most rewarding and proudest honors of my life.
Why do you think there is such a stigma to talk about fertility and women’s health? How do you think that is changing?
The definition of stigma itself is ‘a mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.’ The inability to carry a child as a woman, feels disgraceful for some, and when we as women feel we've failed at something, it's easier to hide it, not talk about it or admit weaknesses or faults, especially when others around them are thriving in the same area. Fertility is a challenge that 1 in 6 people in the US face and the conversation is becoming more and more apparent that there are others out there going through the same thing. There are resources, there's education, there's help and there's NOTHING to be ashamed of.
How can women become more confident in talking about infertility issues? How is Carrying Dreams hoping to foster that conversation not just for women, but for men as well?
Confidence is something that comes from within. Taking the first step to speak with someone about infertility is half the battle. Know that there are resources out there and getting answers from a reputable source will continue to build that confidence to eventually take the first step in your journey. Carrying Dreams is composed of industry experts with years of professional and personal experience to be able to provide the education and resources people need to make a decision that's the best fit for their family and situation. From the first phase of egg donation, sperm donation, embryo creation, to IVF and surrogacy, Carrying Dreams is there every step of the way to help and facilitate to ensure your needs are met.
In the same vein, how do women become comfortable sharing they do not want children without being judged, as that is become the norm for a lot of couples?
As hard as it is to do, try your best to ignore the comments and negativity that people give unsolicited about the way you should live your life or define your family. Having children is a choice, and a choice that is yours and yours alone. People in this world will judge you on your hair color, your weight, your job choice among many other things. The choices you make define who you are and make you no less than the next person. You do you, boo. :)
With all of the conversations about women’s rights in the legal system, do you think it also shines a light on infertility? (recently there has been discussions on how these new laws will affect IVF patients and frozen eggs, etc.)
Absolutely! Fertility Clinics, Reproductive Specialists, Third Party Legal Teams, Surrogacy and Egg Donation Agencies, among many others have the sole purpose of giving individuals options to conceive, have an opportunity at a biological child, or simply have a child altogether. With changes in the laws and each state differing on how those laws are executed, every decision trickles down and affects some part of the process.
Being a surrogate is an emotional decision for most women and not something every woman can do or would want to do. Why do you think it was an easy decision for you to want to give that gift to not one, but multiple families?
Then continue that mission by opening Carrying Dreams?
Making the decision to become a surrogate didn't come lightly. It came with thorough research, long discussions with medical professionals and my support system and evaluating the risk factors of this journey. Being a surrogate isn't an easy ask. It's a minimum year commitment, months of screening and logistics and the enjoyment of a pregnancy (which many don't possess). Then after wanting to become a surrogate, you need to qualify. The decision for me was one made with the understanding of losses (having experienced miscarriages of my own) and knowing what it's like to be a parent. The exhilarating feeling of being called mommy/daddy, experiencing firsts, watching successes, goals and achievements. The feeling of inspiring, mentoring, and molding another human is the biggest responsibility, and the best reward! The dream to continue the mission of family building through Carrying Dreams was to reach and help as many people as possible out there in the world who wanted and deserved a family like we have ourselves.
What is the difference between a gestational surrogate and other surrogates? How does a family choose which one is best for them?
A Gestational Surrogate (GS) is someone who carries and delivers a baby for another individual or couple made up of genetics tied to either the intended parents or donor material. In this case, the gestational carrier (GC) has no biological tie to the baby she delivers. A Traditional Surrogate (TS) is a woman who utilizes her own eggs, and either the intended father or donor's sperm and carries the baby, making her the biological mother of that child. The laws surrounding traditional surrogacy are not super friendly in the United States and it doesn't give the option for intended parents to have a biological child through surrogacy (if they are able to use their own egg/sperm). Gestational Surrogacy is much more common, has laws in place per state for birthing orders and parental rights and gives the ability to have a biological child from one or both of the intended parents.
What is the first step, families should take when exploring surrogacy? Are their different aspects for LBGTQ+ families?
Talk to a professional. Research online, ask others, reach out to your community or doctors for resources and options for referrals. Educate yourself on the process through those professionals and decide what's important to you in your journey. Consider things such as choosing an agency, pricing/packages, matching criteria, timelines and expectations for communication and relationships. The LGBTQ+ individuals and couples are no different. Family building is family building, no discrimination here at Carrying Dreams. Everyone deserves their happily ever after.
What is your ultimate goal with Carrying Dreams? How can people get more information?
To educate and provide resources first and foremost. It's important that we are giving the most accurate and abundant information to those in need to make whatever decision is the best fit for their path to parenthood. Second, our goal is to build families. By ensuring our clients feel comfortable and confident with our ability to facilitate this process and providing thorough screening and qualified candidates in our egg donors and surrogates, we can help achieve these goals. Our website is the best place to start for information (www.carryingdreams.com) or simply by emailing info@carryingdreams.com to reach us directly and set up a time for a conversation.
What is your best advice for women looking to start a family and having challenges?
Talk to a professional, or multiple professionals, so you can have resources and options to make whatever decision it is you want to make. This process is too personal and intimate to be cookie cutter. Each journey is as unique as you are. Set your goals and find the help you need to get you there. Best place to start - Call Nikki or Emily @ Carrying Dreams :)
What is your favorite quote?
“With great power, comes great responsibility.”
Anything else you want to add.
One last thing I’d love to share about is our incredible annual fundraiser, Champagne and Charcuterie.
Champagne and Charcuterie came about to raise money for intended parents embarking on a surrogacy or egg donation journey. To assist in the overwhelming cost of the process which can be in excess of $100,000, we plan this fun evening complete with dinner, drinks, Games, raffles, silent auction and much much more! The event is held in February in Ohio and we are always looking for new sponsors and donors to help contribute to this amazing cause!
For more information, please visit www.carryingdreams.com
After everything is said and done, the choice to become a parent or to not become one is personal…very personal. However, it also not something you have to keep to yourself if you need help. Emily and Boho Blue are hoping to normalize these conversations and make women fell comfortable in their own skin and own who they are, challenges and all. Their are resources available and people who know what you are going through. Carry Dreams is a fantastic place to start if you have questions, but there are dozens of resources out their available to you. Do your homework, ask a friend…but most importantly, have the conversation. You may be surprised at how much support and understanding you will actually have.
Love & Light
